Ralph’s Story: Finding Balance After Trauma
Ralph shares how intergenerational trauma from residential schools shaped his life and family—and how ceremony, prayer, and community help him find balance one day at a time.
“Yes, I’m a residential school survivor.” Ralph opens with that truth—and the weight that came before it. He grew up hearing his father’s “horrendous… unspeakable stories,” and he traces the pain further back to grandparents who were also survivors. The violence didn’t stop at the institution’s doors; it echoed at home and in schoolyards. “I was hung at school… by my peers,” he says, naming the cruelty boys carried into each other’s lives.
Ralph shows how trauma doesn’t end with one generation. It ripples into partners, children, even grandchildren through anger, fear, and the instinct to “keep a lid on everything.”
The turning point was accepting that healing is not a single event. “I don’t know if I’ll ever overcome this,” Ralph admits. But he believes future generations can live differently.
For Ralph, healing comes from connecting to tradition. Balance. Ceremony. Community. Sacred moments like sweat lodge ceremonies, songs, and touching the earth to quiet his mind and steady his heart. Prayer connects him to the Creator and to ancestors: “We’re not alone… it’s a day-to-day struggle. One day at a time.”
His message to other men: Deal with your demons. Don’t go it alone. Belonging matters. Cultural practices, trusted people, and daily habits can calm the nervous system and make room for gentleness—toward yourself and those you love.
Ralph’s story reminds us:
You’re not weak for hurting. You’re human.
Start small: a conversation, a circle, a counsellor, a ceremony.
Healing is possible, and spreads across generations.
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